101 Things I Hate!
by Phil Lea
(In no certain order)
01. I hate Downey Fabric Softener!
My mom washed some sheets for me once and must've used a friggin' gallon of that
crap. I almost died! I got into bed and went to sleep. Suddenly my chest closed
up and I could hardly breathe. I started coughing so hard that my BP went out of
sight. I went outside in the Winter time to get some air and it took about an
hour for me to be able to breathe easily. When I came back inside that sh*t was
all over me and I started coughing again. I had to get in the shower to get it
off me. When I stripped the bed and washed the clothes I had to wash off again
because that poison got on me again! I was so damn mad that I would have
personally kicked the *sshole who invented that sh*t's ass, if I knew who it
was. (I really think I came close to dying as it's lucky I even woke up.)
02. I hate scented hand soap!
I go into
a restaurant and visit the restroom first. I first see some idiot designed it
so you have to "pull" the door to get out. I take a whiz and some
nasty, fat guy comes out of the stall grumbling because there's no toilet paper,
grabs the handle and exits. I stand there looking at that handle. Then I look
for the paper towels to put on the door handle and, of course, there's only an
air dryer..............
Here's what I do. I lather up my hands and the wash the handle. I then cup my hands and douse it with water several times (hoping no one opens the door in mid-splash). I then wash my hands again, dry 'em on my pants, use my wet pinky to open the door and sanitize it by wiping it on my pants again. I order my meal (hoping I don't see nasty, fat guy back there cooking) and go sit down. I raise my burger to my mouth and the perfume poison now on my hands about knocks the top of my head off. Now I'm p*ssed. I eat my damn burger while holding my breath and curse another unknown, sissy idiot.
03. I hate department stores!
I can't go into a department store any
more. It's not enough that the perfume counters block the entrance to the mall
or that this stinky shi*t permeates the air, but there's an idiot there spraying
the crap on people that walk by.
04. I hate Stores that sell
candles or quilts or ones that play dulcimer music!
They seem to all have some kinds of stench in the air. What is it with these
people?
Do they not want real men in there?
I believe these people could go through the army's tear gas training and not
shed a tear.
That sh*t stinks!
05. I hate strong perfume,
cologne, aftershave, etc.........!
Do people really stink so bad that they have
to take a bath in that sh*t? When I go on a date, I try to remember to ask the
girl not to wear any perfume. (It takes forever for that stink to get off my
pillow.) :-) I know guys that smell like a french whore, they use so much
"lilac water". (I liked Granny Clampett's: "Just a dab of vanilla
flavoring behind each ear.") Have you people never heard of your own
Pheromones?
06. I hate Glade Plug-ins (and
all other imitators)!
Clean your damn house if it stinks!
07. I hate cigarette smoke!
If you have an uncontrollable nicotine
addiction, chew and spit in a cup. ("A smoking section is like a
peeing section in a pool.") If chewers spit on people they would get their
asses whipped, so why is it okay to blow their smoke in my air. (Can I piss on
your leg?)
08. I hate wet cigarettes!
A smoker comes to your house and go outside to smoke. They bring the cigarette
in, wet it in the sink and throw it in the garbage. Pray you don't drop the
phone in the trash.
09. I hate cats!
I was awakened the other morning at 4:00 AM
by a mewing that sounded like it was under my bedroom. Living in a new house, I
knew there was no way a cat could get under there. Well, the next day I crawled
under my new house and there lay two dead kittens. I saw movement out of the
corner of my eye and an adult cat jumped up in the floor joists at the back
wall. When I got over there the builder had not even sealed under the breakfast
nook bay! Hell! I could've crawled out of there. I think the kittens must've
died of distemper/parvo/or whatever you call it. Now the momma is tracking muddy
prints all over my new, white driveway, on my deck, on my truck, sleeping in my
lawn chairs, etc.......
10. I hate building
contractors!
(See www.drwebman.com/fee/
and my "tale of woe".)
11. I hate pine trees!
I believe pine trees create more air
pollution than my SUV!
(I know they put pollen all over my truck and in my sinuses.)
12. I hate the US Forest Service!
a. They allow hardwoods to be cut and set out
friggin' pine trees. (see #11)
b. They cut roads all over the forests so wooders can cut trees and put gates up
so we can't go on them.
c. They own in excess of 150,000 acres in Polk Co. TN.
Compared to resident landowners, they pay a small percentage
per acre in taxes,
causing a high tax rate for the residents.
d. Then, they have the gall to charge fees to already high tax-paying residents
to visit recreation
areas that they control.
13. I hate idiots who design
public restrooms where the door swings in when you're leaving.
You go into
a restaurant and visit the restroom first. You push on the bathroom door to go
in, so you then know that some idiot designed it
so you'll have to "pull" the door to get out. You finish and while
you're washing your hands some nasty person comes out of the stall grumbling because there's no toilet paper,
grabs the handle and exits. You then stand there looking at that door handle. (Can you say: "Feces on the door
handle!"???????) Then you look
for the paper towels to open the door with and, of course, there's only an
air dryer in there..............
Here's what I do. I lather up my hands and the wash the handle. I then cup my hands and douse it with water several times (hoping no one opens the door in mid-splash). I then wash my hands again, dry 'em on my pants, use my wet pinky to open the door and sanitize it by wiping it on my pants again. I order my meal (hoping I don't see nasty, fat guy back there cooking) and go sit down. I raise my burger to my mouth and the perfume poison now on my hands about knocks the top of my head off. Now I'm p*ssed. I eat my damn burger while holding my breath and curse another unknown, sissy idiot
14. I hate idiots who drive 55 in
the left lane of the interstate and won't pull over!
Can you say: "Get out of the damn
way!" ??????
15. I hate liberals who won't
admit they're liberals!
They claim: "I'm a moderate." or
"I'm middle of the road". Chicken sh*ts!
(I used to be a liberal, then I got a job.)
16. I hate people who say (when
discussing presidential candidates):
"They're all the same."
Can you say: "Bill Clinton's judicial
appointees" ???????
Can you say: ".....under GOD" in the Pledge of Allegiance ?????
Can you see the "10 Commandments" monument in your courthouse?
17. I hate conservatives who vote Democrat because daddy, granddaddy, etc...... did!
18. I hate college kids who vote Democrat just because daddy votes Republican!
19. I hate stupid people who
breed!
[There may be a few others not in #17 & #18 categories.]
20. I hate one NASCAR non-rule!
Tell the auto manufacturers if they don't
make it in a rear-wheel drive, they can't run it.
21. I hate this NASCAR rule:
Restrictor plates. (The "nose
pickers" who can't drive would run 300, wreck and get out of the way.)
22. I hate even another NASCAR rule!
Finishing a race under caution. (All races should have at least 5 laps under
green.)
23. I hate Sterling Marlin.
OK. OK. Maybe not hate, but I strongly
dislike him.
24. I hate Jap-bikes wannabe's!
I don't mind crotch-rockets or dirt bikes, but it pisses me off when they try to
make 'em look like a Harley.
(I predict the next Jap bike trend will be to put fenders on their tin cans so
they look like Indian Motorcycles.)
25. I hate Dan Rather, Tom Brokaw
& Peter Jennings!
They spoon out the liberal biased propaganda,
claiming it's news.
(Tell people you're trying to influence them and I'll no longer hate you.)
26. I hate "Bush
Haters".
(I think most liberals are atheists. The earth is
their mother, liberalism is their god and Bush is their satan.)
27. I hate militant vegetarians!
(That damn carrot was "alive" too, you know!)
28. I hate eBay!
One year I sold $30,000 worth of model trains on eBay and it was fun, but it
seems every few months
eBay would "tighten the screws" on their SELLERS!
Buyers can give false information to eBay, renege on buying, get kicked off and all
they have to do is change ID and continue to defraud others.
SELLERS, on the other hand, (the only people who pay eBay)
have to jump through so many hoops to get credit on non-payers they often give up.
Ebay gets the credit card number of sellers and if we screw-up we're screwed!
Ebay is like the liberal-leaning US government:
They penalize the hard-working people while rewarding dead-beats!
29. I hate PayPal.
I recently sold an item on eBay and
the buyer paid with PayPal.
PayPal sent me a notice that the buyer had paid, so I packed
it and shipped it.
Well....... a few days later PayPal informed me:
We regret to inform you that you received funds from an account with
reports of fraudulent bank account use. The transaction listed below is
under review.
Then the b*stards simply took the money back out of my PayPal
account because they screwed-up!!!!!!!
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Why does EVERYTHING have perfume in it?
Are gays running every freakin'
facet of the world now?
(Actually I know the REAL reason:
Women do 90% of the shopping and the poor men have to use whatever the hell crap
they bring home.)
I can't go anywhere and easily find hand soap, hand lotion, laundry detergent, fabric softener, etc..... that isn't overwhelming with perfumes.
TIDE FREE is good, but I have to
search high and low for it.
(Once I tried ALL Clear Free and it caused a rash where my
underwear touched the insides of my legs.)
What's the deal?
What idiot washed his hands and said: "I wish my clean hands smelled like a whorehouse."
Does no one in the world have sinuses except me?
I hate this shit!
[It's damn mind-numbed, soap-opera-commercial-watchin' idiots that buy all this crap.]
