1864 Civil War letter transcription from A. M. Weston

Cleveland Tenn July 15th 1864
Dear Sister Celia,
Some how I got the blues this afternoon and had to think of some mode to dissipate them. Though I do not like the place of writing letters when my mind is in such a state, I think I had better attempt to answer your very satisfactory letter. As yet there is no prospect of my getting away from here. It is one continued routine of hot days and nights which I spend as quietly as possible for I do not believe in this hot climate. It would be best for me to exercise too much. I am now boarding out though I did board myself for about twenty days. Have not received a letter in a longtime. Wonder why friends don't write oftener. The last I got was from mother. It was a good kind letter & pleased me very much except one part of it which was "Your father says get out of the army & come home". He meant for me to leave the service altogether. That I would not do on any consideration now if I could. I don't know but this country will be destroyed yet. There are so many North & South possessed with the very spirit of the Devil to destroy it, but if it is destroyed everything is lost & we must stake all on the result. Oh, if I had the power I could hang a million men with the greatest complacency & believe I was doing God's service. How bitter it does make my heart to think of it. The plots from one end of the land to the other to destroy our Government. The doom of the damned for every one of them could not satisfy the implacable enmity of my soul against them. I often think when my mind gets wrought up to this terrible pitch that it is wrong. I ought to be more charitable. Perhaps the dark hour is just before the day if so the day is surely now approaching. But when I think of Mexico, of the terrible wars which have devastated her, that the probability is our fate will be like hers, that it has been all darkness with her & no dawn that it has even settled into the steady unchanging worse than midnight gloom of despotism. Are we approaching that terrible fate, after long years of civil war to have some Napoleon (for sooth) to conquer us & place an Emperor over us to rule with all the tyranny of a selfish ambition? If this rebellion is not put down my word for it 50 yrs will see just this state of affairs & then those who have been the vilest Rebels now will be (such of them as survives) the most object fawning sycophants at the foot of power. These men I could hang and gloat over the sight with as much pleasure as ever a hero witnessed burning cities & tortured martyrs. But I have written enough. All I had to write in the first place was to let you know that I was well. It is now midsummer and before you hear from me again probably my second year of service will be completed safely & I on the beginning of the last short year. Whether I live to get out of the service or not does not concern me much. Why should it.
Yours Truly
A. M. Weston

(Asa M. Weston enlisted on 8/11/62 as Sergeant in Company K, 50th Ohio Infantry, 3/4/65 promoted to Sgt Major, 4/22/65 promoted to 2nd Lt, 6/26/65 mustered out at Salisbury, NC)

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